My first article in the blog would be an obvious guess by the people who know me, even as an acquittance. The Title of the article gives away the plot very easily. Hence my article can be an instant flop .:D But would that stop me from writing the article . Of Course not !!!! Giving up is not in my kandaan (Family :P) lol :D okay that adds the drama element in my article too. Why not, family drama and dramatic situtations are not a part of my life . But my life itself.. !!!!
So coming to the point of interest in this particular article ,the month which turned out to be a dream started off with me having a sound sleep after a long and tiring day. The day which was chaotic and messy, which made me have the feeling to pass the situation and take a run away from this chaos. But the whole chaos made me realize something, that the whole chaos ,wouldn't be a choas only if the pressure of a certain responsibilty could be shared with someone. And if that someone was somebody you could rely on ,any given time , chaos is not chaos but just another situation.
PS: the day could have got worse if not for my teammates. The situation got harder only due to my personal situation handling Technic . If not for you guys , it would have been a little more than hell .. adding to the naraka ,was the Internal Guide. God Bless .!! But thanks to the team to have stuck together.
So I realized who could have been that morale support. I so wished that the support could have supported at that moment but it just could be a wish. I ended my day blaming my support system to have left me helpless . So helpless that I couldn't help myself. But Last one year was just that, Helpless. Minus his support I am Helpless.
That night I sleep, hoping for a better dawn, a better day and a pay off to all the hardwork. 2hrs into my sleep, I hear my dad's voice, calling me out with an excitement I'd never heard before. It was a dream after all , I thought. No it wasn't ,it was actually my dad calling me to wake me up. Why? like at 2 in the night ?? Oh wait !!! oh wait !!! I heard my dad telling something. I sure know I was not dreaming. What I heard was Shenthil was here. WAIT!!!!! REALLY ??? U MEAN HE IS REALLY HERE??? I open my eyes , I see my dad. But a closer look I see my brother behind. YES!! HE IS HERE.. !!!!
My Voice.. I heard it myself as loud as possible( whoa !! I've a loud voice ) , I shouted like they say "on top of my voice". I'd say I shouted on top of the whole sleeping world. why not I shout. ?? He was here, My brother, who I missed the most at that moment. I never missed anyone as much as I missed him past 1 yr.
Thanks to his plan to do his PG in this Gr8 land called New Zealand. (shenthil don kill me for this joke :P).
I was shouting , I could see him, now not on skype but right in front of me. I could here him talk , not his sad voice on skype again but that excited voice I had missed one here. I hugged him tight, Which I'd missed the most last one year and which I needed the most too. I couldn't believe he was here. Thanks to the surprise he had planned to arrive at home before the date he was supposed to arrive. How unexpected was his arrival.. So better was it.. I'm sure his friends who had accompanied him to drop him home must have thought ,we as a family are insane.
Never saw my dad, a man with least expressions, being so happy. Forget about seeing him happy, I had never seen him having tears in his eyes. The way he was rubbing his eyes and wiping his tears reminded of shenthil and me doing the same thing when we were kids and would see Dad after a real long time. I'm sure shenthil recollects few such incidents.
What about my mum ? By the time I got to the living room after all my excitement seeing shenthil home, I saw my mom ,as expected she was in tears too and it seemed like a happily ever after movie climax scene after a family receives a son who comes home from the battlefield(faction field to make it more dramatic :P).
Its not his presence which made me more happy, what made me happy was , my life would get back to the beautiful princess life it was. I'd relive all those moments which I crave for each day I wake up, those insane jokes, meaningless talks, Meaning full talks too, terrace talks , movie talks, Caste creed community talks, family welfare talks, talks bitching about common friends, talks about the future, talks about the past , talks about anything everything. Is it all for the talks I missed him for? Of course it was beyond it. Talks being the best part, mostly that's what got us closer . We talk like there's no tomorrow. All the things happening day by day, second by second is updated. Even the days he was in NZ, we still were updated . So much so that we dint have much to talk when he was at home after a year, or that's what I thought was the situation . But we still ended up talking all that we could for quality amount of time.
So , what I missed next last one year was , some body taking care of me . How I dress, How I walk , How I talk , How I behave, How I eat ,drink sleep.. And a new addition to the list was How I "drive". I'd been driving for a year. And I was a learner until my brother said.. I drive well. Even the RTO's approval wouldn't matter much but the actual Driving Licence would be issued by him is what he thinks :D but I know how good-bad a driver I am :P but still hearing it from him that I can drive pretty well , was a feeling apart all the things.So did I get to hear it from him. And my joy and satisfaction on hearing that was more than the joy of seeing my results and getting a distinction :) It seriously means a lot . How much ? Even I don't know.
The ice creams, the night -outs, the shopping, the movies, the comedy shows. The songs playing back to back on the stereo in the car and then continuing in either of our laptops. The co-incidences, the thinking -alike situations, the high -fives. If counting these as the things I had missed last 1 year. Then what was exactly I doing ? Hanging out with friends . New friends came in, old friends got closer but did it matter ? I got even closer to mom . But did it matter ? I got closer to myself.. but still does it matter ?
It just doesn't matter. What mattered was that my brother was my strength nonetheless ,
BUT IN MY BROTHER I FOUND A SECOND ME.
What I missed was not my brother. But what I missed was myself. . I missed laughing out loud, I missed crying out loud too. I missed being paid attention. I missed talking out. I missed listening to music .I missed everything. I missed myself.
The last one month he was at home was just nothing but a dream which made the gone by year look like a dream too. Everything was back, the house looked home. I looked alive . My parents too looked more happier. Everything seemed like life back on track.
The three days road trip to Manipal was BLISS(shenthil calls it so :P) I could relive those three days the rest of my life. Just if life had a pause and a rewind button. I'd play it over and over again. Selective replay , if that was a facility , I'd play so many situations over and over again. Okay knowing that all this is not possible, I know I need to accept the truth. Life doesn't remain constant.What's constant is change is what I've heard or read ( thanks to all the forwards I've been receiving from my friends, my knowledge and philosophy about life has been useful this way :P)
Last year when he left to NZ, even though it was for a year, the pain within was not anywhere closer to what I'm going through while I write this article. This time even though he's going to be here at home probably in the next 4 months ( as he claims ) . This time its me who is going to be away from home. He's going to be home with out me around. Is life for him going to be the same as it was for me ? For him life is going to be back to normal in 4 months. But for me its still a year for things to get back to how it was . Is the year going to run jog walk or crawl ? What is in store? I'm curious, Yes!! but would I prefer life to be the way it was .. now that's a big Yes.. !!!! but It was me who had made the choice. And its still me who have to stand by the choice no matter what. Isn't that what Shenthil, mom and dad would say? for that matter any body would say that to me the minute I'd say Its a difficult choice I made. But its still me who'd live through. I don't know how life would be after a year. The way I want it to be? Or even better ? Or a whole new life ? What is it?
What ever it may be ,I'd still Live through and still complaint about how life has changed (even though it wouldn't have :P: .
The month which now looks like a dream now has given me the hope that even though there was a year in between , Life might have changed in many aspects, relationships and the people are which still remain the same . I'm sure next year too , life would have changed in many ways, but shenthil and I would still laugh on a stale joke. My mom would still complain about my eating habits, my dad would still monitor my sleep timing, my friends would still think of me when they come across chiranjeevi . :D But yet life wouldn't remain the same , yet not too different .
Awaiting to face the change , and awaiting to see how there is no-change, I put a step forward. And forward it is, and forward it will be.
Shenthil, Thank you for everything. You are the only one whose gonna read this ever . :)
